by Nancy Orens Eder, a member of Get Your Wordsworth
It’s been a while since I’ve ventured into the world of computer dating. It’s a difficult and painful process to jump into. My ego is in tact and is healthy. Life has treated me well so far. I have good health aside from a pill or two. I have loving grown children and grandchildren near and far. My interests are varied and keep me happily engaged. But would life be more interesting with a partner? I wonder. I think so, but as time goes on, and I enjoy life alone, I’m losing interest in the mating game. It’s not just age that discourages me from looking for a partner. I think it’s more to do with life experience.
Finding compatibility has been difficult. The things which engage me often do not attract the kind of man I’m likely to be interested in. My age turns men away, unless they need a mate. I don’t need a mate. I would like to be engaged with a healthy active and interested/interesting man.
But I joined Match.com in the hopes that baring my soul again on line would attract such a person.
First thing, and one of the most daunting aspects, is to write what it is that best describes you and your interests. This is like an interview with an invisible interviewee. I set out to be charming but not alarming. I want to appear wanting without seeming to be needy. How to write an advertisement for oneself. It takes thought. It takes patience. And it takes forbearance. I don’t have a lot of any of these laudable attributes, but I’m plowing ahead. This is what I come up with:
As a native New Yorker, I’m in love with most of the city’s cultural offerings. I’m an avid walker and venture across Central Park from Morningside Gardens to the Met on a regular basis. During the summer I spend time in the Pyrenees where I enjoy painting and soaking up local sun and culture. During most of the rest of the year, I am in New York where I belong to a writer’s group and am involved in taking classes, going to the gym and spending time with my grandchildren.
Whenever possible, I volunteer for work in socially relevant causes (I recently spent time at Riverside Church helping to provide support for victims of the hurricane.) I love gardening and have been involved in creating green spaces for friends, working in communal gardens and showing young kids the wonders of planting seeds and reaping tomatoes. I love attending films, theater and concerts, and also enjoy cooking and entertaining at home.
I’m hoping to meet someone who might share some of my passions, as well as having interests of his own. I hope that you will be honest, concerned about social issues, have a similar outlook on life, and have enthusiasm and energy to enjoy some interests and activities together.
I think it is an average description of a retired person of some means who lives in NYC and I hope something will sing out to that man who also digs in the earth, wanders the streets and languishes over Matisse’s paintings of Collioure.
While I’ve spent hours composing these three paragraphs, I know in my heart of hearts that I will get no response. I’ve attempted this method of dating in the past. Experience shows that the people who respond to my particular age and profile are those who: tend to be homebound, tend to be over the age of 80 and not thoroughly robust, could not walk a block without taking a rest. So far the only response by email I’ve received this week was from a 93 year old man who sent a “wink”,” favorited me, and sent an unintelligible email.
As Match.com instructs, women should take the initiative and write to those men whose profiles appeal. This is what I’ve done. I have jumped in and sent emails along with my profile ticking off the appropriate boxes indicating that I’m a liberal, like dogs, and have two children who don’t live with me. My eye and haircolor have been duly noted as well as that I am an atheist. This might also eliminate many men. I have yet to receive a response. Not a thank you, but no thank you. Just no response. Instead, the men with whom I am ‘matched’ via the computer occasionally send what is called a ‘wink’ or an occasional email are off the charts with poor grammar, live in Staten Island or are Buddhists. . . not that I have anything against Buddhists.
So for now, I’ll give it another 25 days and be sure to cancel my automatic monthly subscription at the end of December to Match. After a week, I can see that try as I might, there must be other ways of meeting a match. Maybe next month I’ll get a subscription to the opera. You never know who will be sitting next to you.